Tuesday, April 26, 2011

I'm stuck.

All of my life I've had an idea of what I wanted, where I wanted to live, how I wanted to act... but as of lately, I have been completely clueless. Since August my residency has been in two different apartments, in two different cities, and again I am moving at the end of this month, back to my home in another city. But I don't feel like my home is a 'home' to me at all. I am a complete 180 of my siblings and parents; we have no similarities. When I am at home I don't feel creative, I don't feel artistic. I feel like I'm in a prison (sorry mom).

There's no way to even pin-point why I see things that way, I just do. It's not teen angst or rebellion, I just simply don't find the axis of my existence here. Personally, I thought moving to Salt Lake and being nearer to the one that held my heart would shed some light on this absence. That wasn't it either. I've felt homeless. When you live somewhere for only 3 or 5 months at a time, it's hard to make it feel like your home.

I don't know where to go or how to get to this place that will help me feel complete. I am at a loss. Neither West Haven or Salt Lake is my home. I suppose I just haven't yet found my home or my hearts peacefulness.

3 comments:

  1. sweet post! Glad i found this blog!

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  2. I understand the feeling. I've been back and forth in different cities and homes in the past couple of months. It's conufusing and scary, but I guess it just takes time to figure everything out.

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  3. I think I will feel home as long as there are people I love around. To me it isn't a place. Even so, it's nice to be settled somewhere. It is easier to connect if you are settled somewhere, I think.

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