Emmie Oliver

Emmie Oliver, a set on Flickr.

Book your shoot! - www.brittniwillie.com

Why...

Why am I always so confused?
Why don't I have a plan?

I hit 1500?!

Woah. I don't know if that's really a lot but it seems like a lot to me... so thanks guys! i'm glad you like it <3 also follow my new photoblog - http://theblogofbrittniwilliephotography.blogspot.com/ I'm going to be posting little mini sets up my shoots... and check out http://www.brittniwillie.com/ :)

Cory & Rachel

Cory & Rachel, a set on Flickr.

Married August 10th, 2011!

Matt & Emily

Matt & Emily, a photo by brittniwillie.com on Flickr.

From their Bridal & Groomal session

Maci

Maci, a photo by brittniwillie.com on Flickr.

This right here. This is exactly the style I want to be. I had such a wonderful time taking these photos; and was so full of inspiration afterwards.

Please let me keep that feeling.

Maci

Maci, a photo by brittniwillie.com on Flickr.

lost.

more and more i have been feeling like my life doesn't have a point to it. i am just wondering aimlessly and nobody cares if i win or lose. and why should they care? they have their own lives to worry about. but i just feel like a ghost; and i'm so, so lonely. i don't have any friends. i don't have anyone to just hang out with and do girl talk or cry and watch movies together. i've never had that and i want it. i always thought being alone was the way i wanted to live and more and more i'm rethinking that.

i don't know what to do though. let's be honest, my life is pulling me in so many directions. everything is seperated between 50 short but so, so far away miles. my job, my home, my boyfriend, art, the few friends i've got. everything is so far away. i don't know how to handle it.

recently i'm also starting to understand that i am only 21. i don't need to be working 40 hours a week, do i? i don't need to sit at this boring desk staring at the boring window. i could be out doing so much more. creating so much more. learning and enjoying my life instead of wasting it in an office.

maybe i'm just complaining or maybe i'm onto something here. either way, i need someone to talk to. i need someone to sit down with me and help me figure out my life.

So tell me, what am I doing wrong?

Why are others craved over, and I'm never looked after, always long gone.
I do the same.
In fact sometimes I think I do better; maybe even best.
But still I feel different and I feel I'm doing wrong.

Creative Therapy

I get depressed really, really easily. My mood will change from happy to incredibly sad in a matter of seconds and I can never control it or make myself feel any better. But I’ve noticed creating art makes me happy. Working on something I’m proud of gives me a little bit of hope. If I’m in one of my moods, going out and shooting or finding an old photo on my computer to work on totally changes my point of view on the day.

I need to keep creating.

Sophie, Tyler & Kairi

Sophie, Tyler & Kairi, a photo by brittniwillie.com on Flickr.

Had the opportunity to shoot their family photos this weekend before they move to the Philippines in two weeks! They were very fun to work with and Kairi was a doll :) Click thru to view the rest.

Lady in The Water

Lady in The Water, a photo by brittniwillie.com on Flickr.

Untitled

Untitled, a photo by brittniwillie.com on Flickr.

Salt Lake City Arts Festival

Salt Lake City Arts Festival, a set on Flickr.

www.brittniwillie.com

What seems to be the problem here?

I am in a bird cage;

Or rather, a fish bowl.

I'm up for the show.

Help me out of this hole.

When I escape,

Where do I go?

"What seems to be the problem here?"

Is being said from those I don't know.

artists block?

I've been thinking more and more lately about the types of people I know,

I love being around those that fill their lives with art.

It gives me inspiration;

It gives me hope to be better at what I do.

Artists really do play off each other.

We all learn from seeing another's work.

Watching another in action.

Whether it be photography, music or artwork.

It's fun to learn together,

And not to feel embarrassed if you fail.

Because you can't fail - it's art.

Seeing the beauty in everything.

Sometimes though I don't feel like an artist.

I lie on my bed and cry out for passion.

Can you suffer from 'writers block' in every aspect of art?

I think I do, I really think I do.

That's also hard;

When again, I see those around me.

Constantly displaying their art.

I am so lost in it.

Rather, I don't want to see it.

I don't want to hear it.

Now here I am so aggravated,

Hating it.

Maybe I'm not a true artist,

possibly.

Others show more passion and enthusiasm.

Maybe it's just artists block.

What a beautifully artistic weekend we had! Helping out on set filming for the 48 Film Project, and then doing photos, and back to the set to help film! I felt so inspired and happy to be doing something I love. No one can take away that feeling... http://www.brittniwillie.com/

Did a little shoot of each other today :) Here my shots of jadie! check her work out, too! http://jadiejophoto.blogspot.com/

Drawing America by Bike, huh?

While surfing KSL today I stumbled upon this article (http://www.ksl.com/?sid=15902594&nid=1010) about a man that's biking across America and drawing it! How interesting I thought to myself... Reading about this man's life you'll see that he's graduated College with a Masters degree and yet with this economy the way it is he has be unable to find a steady job.

So instead of feeling sorry for himself and getting swept up in dead-end jobs he decided why not make a trip out of this and enjoy his life while the recession runs it's course. Eric hopped on a bycicle and is now riding across the USA meeting people, sleeping under the stars, and drawing his entire adventure... you can follow his travels on his personal blog - http://drawingamericabybike.blogspot.com/ and don't forget to add a donation! :)

Good luck Eric :)

Dear Darling:

Darling, I write you

To tell you I’ve gone.

To let me breath on my travels,

After this maybe you can come.

I have passed many disturbing valleys,

Trees that hung so low to the ground,

I always wonder how you’re feeling,

Are our children safe and sound?

I miss little Allison so dearly,

She is full of such wisdom like you,

And Tom was quite a wild one,

Whether playing with worms or eating glue.

Oh, but my heart is often heavy,

The tears have been so quick to fall.

Darling, didn’t you always know this?

We weren’t fit for love after all.

What is home?

I’m moving home. . .

For many that might not seem too bad or like a blessing to save on rent;

But my home is 50 miles from where I live now.

My home is away from my love and away from my new friends I’ve made.

My home is away from one of the cities I love so much and the energy I’ve always craved.

And still, I’m moving home.

And I am not excited.

I am depressed.

I’ve been with my love almost every morning & night for the last 5 months.

And nearly every other day for 4 months before that.

The year prior to we only met up twice a week.

Cramming everything about ourselves into the weekend.

Hoping to keep alive the flame in a long-distance relationship.

Some say an hour isn’t too far.

That is those that don’t have events planned every evening I suppose.

I can’t believe it though; I’m moving home.

I don’t want to go.

I don't know.

Yeah? No? I don’t know… I just don't know.

I keep pushing away old lives,

But I don’t know which direction they’re going in,

Together drowning with them in a tub of insecurity,

Soap smothering my eyes blinding me.

We’re taught certain tasks,

They must be fulfilled to feel fulfilled,

But I don’t feel successful,

Being someone I wouldn’t enjoy to know.

I’d like to have a studio,

Where together we could watch our talents grow,

As long as I am able to read,

That would keep my mind freed.

scrattered thoughts on attachment

Why am I so comfortable with the idea of being engaged to someone but not married to them? Engagement is only going to lead to marriage. But for some reason I just feel too young and too immature to have a home and a husband and a mortgage and to cook, clean, do dishes, plan events… none of that appeals to me. Simply the idea alone gives me anxiety. Do I not feel worthy? No, I don’t think that’s it. Part of me suggests that I’m embarrassed of all it entitles – doing married “things”, having to eventually be a mother, throw birthday parties. I don’t want to be a mother. I don’t want to be a mother. But I don’t know yet if I want to be a wife either; I just want to be a fiancé.

I’ve always been this way though, right? I was always afraid of the “attachment” and of telling my family I was dating someone; I’m glad I lived my younger years this way though… I feel as though I didn’t go through the drama most did. But am I wrong ? I have so, so many friends that just can’t “wait” to have their boyfriends last name. It honestly makes me want to throw up and tell those girls that they live for themselves and no boy should cause them to want to change that. What happened to girl power?

Dino's & Trains

Yesterday on twitter I asked for suggestions for topics to write on; my dear, dear friend (and local celebrity) Tate McCallum-Law suggested I write about dinosaurs and trains (which looking back on my Twitter I just realized he said alligators and trains, oh well). So here I am- writing about dinosaurs and trains… Pretty much ever since I was little I’ve always loved trains! I thought – and still think – they’re one of the coolest inventions! Dinos though? Not so much. I mean yes I’m a sucker for Jurassic Park and I think it would be amazing to see one in real life, but I don’t think I would be able to properly fall asleep afterwards for a long, long time. I remember constant reoccurring dreams of dinosaurs existing in this present time; we all lived in incredibly high apartments to stay away from the dinosaurs. No one was allowed outside or to even peak out of the windows.

What deeper meanings could both of these have though? I decided to do some research for myself… for trains, there are quite a few interesting and different meanings. To see a train in your dream, represents conformity. You are just going along with what everyone else is doing. To see a freight train it refers to the burdens and problems that you are hauling around.  If you see a passenger train, then it relates to mental work. If you see or play with a model train in your dream, then it indicates that you want more control and power over your own life and where it is headed.  To dream that you are on a train, symbolizes your life's journey. It suggests that you are on the right track in life and headed in the right direction.  To see or dream that you are in a train wreck, suggests chaos. To dream that you are the engineer, signifies that you are in complete control of a particular situation in your waking life. To dream that you miss a train, denotes missed opportunities. I had no idea about any of this… it’s very cool how even just a simple dream of riding on a train can mean something so coincidental in your life!

Now let’s look up dinosaurs… To see a dinosaur in your dream, symbolizes an outdated attitude. To dream that you are being chased by a dinosaur, indicates your fears of no longer being needed or useful. Alternatively, being chased by a dinosaur, may reflect old issues that are still coming back to haunt you. Strange! So what if you dream that you are riding on a train while being chased by a dinosaur? Does that mean you’re headed on the right direction in your life but that you haven’t let go of passed fears? Why do we even have to have an ‘explanation’ of our dreams? I guess it just makes us feel better.

I find it kind of funny that both of these topics tie into fear – it reminds me of a great article that I read on KSL today (read it here: https://mail.americafirst.com/owa/redir.aspx?C=6398a940736c4e70bcaacb5e3c24e705&URL=http%3a%2f%2fwww.ksl.com%2findex.php%3fnid%3d1010%26sid%3d15413000 ). It talked about how we hold ourselves back, and not because we’re afraid that we’re inadequate but because we’re afraid of succeeding and creating a responsibility with that success. The logic of it is hilarious but when you really pick it apart it makes complete sense… I’m afraid of being great. Some days I would rather play around and do nothing when really my heart is desiring to build something beautiful – but my fear gets in the way.

Anyway, I don’t know how the topic of Dinosaurs and Trains turned into analyzing dreams… but I hope you enjoyed reading it! Don’t forget to check out my website and follow me on Twitter J

www.brittniwillie.com & www.twitter.com/brittniwillie

I'm stuck.

All of my life I've had an idea of what I wanted, where I wanted to live, how I wanted to act... but as of lately, I have been completely clueless. Since August my residency has been in two different apartments, in two different cities, and again I am moving at the end of this month, back to my home in another city. But I don't feel like my home is a 'home' to me at all. I am a complete 180 of my siblings and parents; we have no similarities. When I am at home I don't feel creative, I don't feel artistic. I feel like I'm in a prison (sorry mom).

There's no way to even pin-point why I see things that way, I just do. It's not teen angst or rebellion, I just simply don't find the axis of my existence here. Personally, I thought moving to Salt Lake and being nearer to the one that held my heart would shed some light on this absence. That wasn't it either. I've felt homeless. When you live somewhere for only 3 or 5 months at a time, it's hard to make it feel like your home.

I don't know where to go or how to get to this place that will help me feel complete. I am at a loss. Neither West Haven or Salt Lake is my home. I suppose I just haven't yet found my home or my hearts peacefulness.

What would it take for you to give up everything around you? Think of it. Everything. Good morning kisses, orange and yellow leaves on the ground in the fall, hearing a familiar “hello” on the other line… all of that would be gone. So back to my question, what would it take? Sometimes people give up their lives for a career, give up family for drugs, throw away a love for a chance at success. And who decides if it is right or wrong? No one has the ability or authority to place the blame. None of us. For some, they are filled more with passion and joy when they are finalizing a loan or obtaining a new client.

The success becomes their friends and family; others don’t feel whole without 4 children and a husband running around. I, on the other hand, struggle to find the balance between everything I enjoy. The happy ‘medium’ between family, love, career, hobbies, friends, personal downtime… How many times are you faced with that challenge? It’s a Friday night and on your plate you’ve got: A) A family birthday party B) Your anniversary C) A friends Bachelorette Party D) A work party and E) Your favorite band is in town playing a show. Which do you choose? No matter what the decision someone’s feelings are hurt, someone is left offended. There is no ideal situation and people will still spend their entire lifetime looking for it.

I recently finished reading the book “We All Fall Down” by Nic Sheff, the sequel to “Tweak”. In the book Nic talks about his addiction to methamphetamines and how the only time he feels whole is when he is using; the only time he feels confident is when he is high or has been drinking. Don’t we all have something like that in our lives? We are never content with being just who we are, we’re always wanting to change something. We all have a nervous tick.

Nic Sheff, Author of We All Fall Down, Interview: Part 1 of 2 | The Partnership at Drugfree.org

Nic Sheff, Author of We All Fall Down, Interview: Part 1 of 2 The Partnership at Drugfree.org Please read this article! This is something I am very passionate about...

mind reading.

I am merely a watcher. A listener. A studier.

I enjoy observing those around me and getting myself engulfed inside their minds.

What hardships have they had? How many times have they been in love?

Where did they develop those wrinkles from laughing and inherit scars from crying?

When I was seventeen I use to believe I could read minds; sometimes I still feel as though I can.

You know the feeling, right?

Nothing exists to you in that moment other than their thoughts.

Their insecurities, fears, mistakes, happiness, turmoil, sincerity…

Would it be a blessing to have this gift?

Or would it be miserable?

You could know anything you wanted about everyone…

But you would also find out their deepest secrets.

How would you handle it if someone could always read your thoughts?

I for one am not very proud of the things I think sometimes.

First Words

Here is it, another new blog... I believe this is my 10th blog floating around now between BlogSpot and tumblr. However, I love them all equally. I love to write. I'm not very great at it, and I get distracted easily, but nonetheless I love it. This current blog I have just created is meant to be a place where I can release and write my opinions and feelings on different topics. Some of it may be harmful, but I want it to challenge me. If you are offended easily by others than following this particular blog is probably not for you. My intentions are not meant to offend people - but it still may happen.

For my first topic I would like to discuss the trashy yet alluring world of... Facebook. We've all said it before but it's turned into the new MySpace. You can even have profile banners now! But what I really want to talk about is it's fascinating hold that it has to us; and I know we all suffer from it. I'll admit it, I'm addicted. I wake up in the morning and while I'm laying in bed I'm checking Facebook, as I pull into my work parking lot I'm checking Facebook, before I even leave my work to go on lunch I'm checking Facebook, as soon as I head home from work I'm checking it, and once I get home I'm glued to Facebook all night..

The sad thing is, I'm not even doing anything pertaining to status updates or uploading photos. I'm just simply lurking others profiles - reading the witty things they post, checking out their wedding photos or adorable pictures of a new puppy. I have so many people added on Facebook that I could not tell you what classes I had in High School with them however I could inform you of their first child’s name, their cats name, and probably their aunts name. Can you imagine if I was actually some terrible person that would use this easily obtained knowledge to my advantage? It's so easy for people to find out your whole life story by just one glance at your profile.

And onto my next concern... I always wonder if all of the people I know that post drunken updates all throughout the day and night, have family added on Facebook. I for one would be mortified to have my parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbors, read something like that. As the saying goes, "that's what Twitter is for" haha. Not to mention all of the underage drinking photos that get posted after every weekend, have these people ever thought of an Undercover Cop being one of their Facebook 'friends'? I guess not. Because every weekend without fail, there they are, being posted once again.

Finally, my last thought is - does dressing that trashy in your profile photo really make some guy want to be with you? He may want to sleep with you, so if you're not looking for anything long term either than I guess continue posting them! And I just love the girls that post status' such as, "all my guy friends want to do is f*%# me, I'm so sick of it". Wow... for one, does anyone care? Secondly, maybe if you didn't act that way, people wouldn't treat you that way. Am I right? What happened to girls having self-respect for themselves?

Facebook has caused us to lose so much respect in each other - we fight over catty comments, we judge ourselves based on how many comments someone gets on a photo compared to us, and we snicker at those who post things and have no idea what they're talking about... it's a cruel world, and for some strange reason we love to be a part of it.

-Brittni